When getting engaged, you will get overwhelmed with excitement and joy. However, as the wedding day approached, you began to feel a mix of emotions: excitement, nervousness, and even a hint of anxiety. It was during this time that you sought out pre-wedding advice from married friends, family, and even professional counselors.

One of the most valuable pieces of advice I received was to prioritize effective communication. Having attended premarital counseling sessions on WINE (withdrawal, invalidation, negative interpretation, escalation), we learned about healthy communication techniques and how to resolve conflicts constructively. This advice has been useful, and it allowed us to openly express our feelings, fears, and expectations.

Below is a list of premarital advice and tips for brides:

1. Effective Communication: Communication is key in any relationship. It’s important to express your thoughts, feelings, and expectations openly and honestly with your partner. Develop good listening skills and encourage your partner to do the same.

2. Understand Each Other’s Love Languages: Everyone expresses and receives love differently. Take the time to understand your partner’s love language and communicate your own. This will help you both feel loved and appreciated.

3. Compromise and Flexibility: Marriage requires compromise from both partners. Be open to finding solutions that work for both of you. Understand that you won’t always agree on everything, but it’s essential to find a middle ground and be flexible.

4. Financial Planning: Discuss your financial goals, responsibilities, and create a budget together. Be open about your financial situations and work as a team to achieve your shared goals. Financial compatibility is crucial for a stable marriage.

5. Maintain Your Individuality: While marriage is about partnership, it’s important to retain your individuality. Pursue your interests, hobbies, and personal growth. Encourage your partner to do the same. It’s healthy to have separate identities while building a life together.

6. Quality Time and Intimacy: Make time for each other regularly. Schedule date nights and prioritize spending quality time together. Physical intimacy is also an important aspect of marriage, so communicate your needs and desires with your partner.

7. Patience and Forgiveness: No relationship is perfect, and there will be challenges along the way. Practice patience, understanding, and forgiveness. Learn to let go of small disagreements and focus on the bigger picture.

8. Seek Support and Guidance: Don’t hesitate to seek premarital counseling or marriage enrichment programs. They can provide valuable insights, tools, and strategies to strengthen your relationship. Additionally, surround yourself with positive role models and married couples who can offer guidance and support.

9. Remember the Little Things: Small gestures can make a big difference. Surprise your partner with thoughtful acts of kindness, appreciate their efforts, and express gratitude for the little things they do.

10. Enjoy the Journey: Marriage is a lifelong journey, and it’s important to enjoy the process. Embrace the ups and downs, celebrate milestones, and create cherished memories together. Remember to have fun and maintain a sense of humor.

Remember, these tips are general advice, and every relationship is unique. Communicate openly with your partner, and together you can build a strong foundation for a happy and fulfilling marriage. Best wishes on your wedding day and for a beautiful future together!

To further enrich this experience, there are several books available on Amazon that provide valuable insights and guidance. Here are 2 recommended books related to different topics, along with some quotes and reviews:

An important aspect was understanding each other’s love languages. We discovered that we have different ways of giving and receiving love. By learning about our love languages, we have been able to express affection in ways that truly resonate with each other, enhancing our emotional connection.

Financial planning was another crucial topic that was emphasized during our pre-wedding preparations. We had discussions about our financial goals, responsibilities, and how to manage money as a team. This advice has helped us create a budget, save for the future, and avoid unnecessary financial stress.

Throughout this pre-wedding journey, we have also been reminded to maintain our individuality. It’s easy to get caught up in wedding planning and lose sight of our passions and interests. Taking time for ourselves has allowed us to stay grounded and maintain a sense of self, even as we prepare to embark on this lifelong commitment.

Are you looking for fun and meaningful ways to strengthen your relationship? Look no further! Discover a treasure trove of relationship-building activities for couples in this engaging blog post. From creative date ideas to heartfelt communication exercises, these activities will ignite sparks of connection and deepen your bond. Click here to unlock a world of love and companionship: Link: Relationship Building Activities for Couples.

Overall, the pre-wedding advice I received has provided valuable guidance and support. It has helped us navigate the emotional, logistical, and relational aspects of preparing for marriage. As a bride, I believe that investing time and effort into pre-wedding advice and preparations is a worthwhile endeavor that can set the stage for a strong, fulfilling, and joyful married life.

Are you contemplating the idea of living with your in-laws after marriage? Before making such an important decision, it’s crucial to weigh the pros and cons. Whether you’re seeking a supportive extended family network or concerned about privacy and independence, this article will provide the clarity you need. Don’t miss out on making an informed decision. Click here to explore the pros and cons of living with the in-laws: Link: Pros and Cons of Living with the In-laws.

We’ve all heard of stories where people who have dated for years, with one party dragging their feet to commit. The relationship eventually fizzles, and only mere months after the breakup, news of the person who was reluctant to commit to getting engaged sends shock waves through the circle of friends.

Why does that happen, one might ask?

That’s probably because marriage requires so much more than love and/or physical attraction. There are a ton of factors at play here in assessing true compatibility, before making that leap to a lifelong commitment.

Here’re a few main considerations when choosing your life partner:

1. Money Matters
2. How Many Kids
3. Generosity To Each Other
4. Support in Unforeseen Circumstances
5. Accountability and Responsibilities
6. Inclusivity in Decision Making
7. Trajectory and Direction
8. Elders In the Family
9. Celebration, Honor, and Gratitude

Money Matters

In a 2017 survey by analytics firm Experian, 59 percent of divorcees surveyed said that finances played at least “somewhat” a role in their separations, out of which 20 percent believed it played a “big” role.

In addition, 53 percent revealed that they were not financially compatible with their former spouses, and most surveyed regretted not finding this out before the big day.

A couple I once knew had the most extreme spending habits – One desperately saved money for both and was actively depositing a monthly sum into their joint account to save for rainy days, while the other was frequently draining that same account. That contributed to numerous fights, leaving the party who was trying to save money feeling like their marriage isn’t a partnership at all. Unsurprisingly, the couple is now headed towards a divorce.

However delicate a subject it might be, always talk about finances. Find out each other’s spending habits. Talk about asset allocation, whether you’d still keep separate accounts while depositing a fixed sum into a joint account every month, right down to how you’d like to split bills for the house. Full disclosure before matrimony is essential.

Financial wisdom is also extremely pertinent. Are you and your partner well-equipped to make sound financial decisions, decisions that your marriage wouldn’t pay for later in life?

How Many Kids

This is another weighty topic and one that should be approached with complete honesty and transparency, preferably even at the start of dating. While some people adore children and wish to have them, others, do not so much.

Never shy away from letting your partner know how you truly feel about the need to procreate. If both parties are divided on this, especially if one party feels strongly for or against it, it might be advisable to step back to reassess.

Generosity To Each Other

One of the key components of lasting marriages is whether your partner is generous to you, and vice versa. Generosity can come in many forms, whether it’s time, resources, money, etc. Generosity is considered the No. 1 key to a good relationship, according to a long-term study at the University of Virginia

The last thing we want is to be married to someone who is calculative, which will cause issues too.

Support in Unforeseen Circumstances

None of us can foresee nor control what happens in life. Future potential events might include job loss, accidental pregnancy, sudden illnesses, etc.

The first thing to ask yourself is: Would you be able to go through it alone? That would give you a good gauge as to whether you’re entering matrimony for the right reasons, and not because you’re afraid of being alone.

The next question is: Are you certain your partner stands by you through it all? Has the person demonstrated the ability to?

If you’re hesitating at this juncture, as uncomfortable as it might feel, dig deeper and dare to face the answer because anything less than unwavering certainty to that question is just not good enough.

Accountability and Responsibilities

Both parties have to be self-sustaining adults before the union. This goes beyond the financial aspect. Are you both emotionally and mentally strong individually, to form the strongest team?

We should always complete ourselves, before merging our lives with someone else’s.

Inclusivity in Decision Making

Does your partner include you in decisions, big or small? That is the foundation of trust.

If you realize there has been little to no transparency, and no room for discussion, that is a deal breaker for any relationship.

Trajectory and Direction

What’re your plans? Are they aligned, at least for now?

While it is inevitable that people change as they age, do yourself a favor by giving you the best possible chance for a happy marriage.

Character traits are important when considering this. Are you both similar in some (crucial) aspects? Some people are geared towards continuous, positive improvements. If you’re one such person, does your partner share the same drive?

Elders In the Family

When we marry someone, we marry into their families as well.

While this discussion might play a larger role in the later years, discuss them now and have an aligned understanding from the offset. This includes responsibilities about welfare, both physical and financial, and whether assisted support would be required to lessen your loads.

Celebration, Honor, and Gratitude

This goes beyond a mere appreciation for the humdrum of the day-to-day.

Ask yourself:

• Do you value your partner, and does your partner value you?
• Are you able to have honest conversations with one another?
• Are you proud of him/her, and vice versa?
• Do you feel seen, heard, understood, and safe?
• Do you feel excited letting the world know about your relationship?
• Are you both able and willing to celebrate love, in the absence of fear?
• Are you both willing to throw caution to the wind to say, “This is IT! This is the man/woman I will spend the rest of my life with.”?

The stars have to align, as they say. These factors are your ‘stars’.

Lastly, and perhaps the most significant question to ask yourself is: Whether he or she is my best friend?

In the words of Friedrich Nietzsche, “It is not the lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”

All relationships would see couples through countless arguments.

But just how often do husband and wife fight?

According to a recent US YouGov poll, 30% of people who are in serious relationships admit to arguing at least once a week. Another 28% admit to fighting about once a month and another 32% admit to arguing about once or a few times a year. Only 3% claim to never fight.

The most common issue two people argue about though might not be what you think. Instead of household chores, money issues, or family, which are undeniably top contenders, apparently what surpassed all of these to clinch the top spot is instead, the person’s tone of voice or attitude. Who would have thought?

Interestingly, 48 percent of those surveyed said they do get into the same arguments repeatedly as well. In fact, renowned psychologist and counselor Dr. John Gottman himself attested that 69 percent of marriage conflicts are never resolved!

Yet, what still makes these connections work? Why do some fights cause irreversible harm to bonds and tear people apart, and others see mates still going strong?

The difference lies in how they fight.

According to the same survey, 50 percent of the couples report a somewhat healthy style of argument, while 30 percent report unhealthy behaviors such as raising their voices, giving silent treatment, and even swearing and/or name-calling.

As author Crismarie Campbell once wrote, “What if every moment of conflict is a change to make your relationship even stronger?”

Red Flags of Husband And Wife Fight

It’s all too easy to let things spiral out of hand in a heated moment.

Here’re some red flags to look out for:

Bringing up old issues: This can be rather toxic, not to mention extremely exhausting to fight issue after issue, especially if the issue has already been resolved.

Mind reading: Assumptions are one of the top relationship killers, especially if they’re negative assumptions of each other.

Shutting each other out emotionally: Stonewalling is one of the infamous four horsemen, and understandably, a predictor of divorce.

Abuse: Physical abuse is never acceptable, and neither is verbal or emotional assault.

Ending threats: Some individuals do blurt out divorce or break-up statements in the heat of the moment, especially if they’re impulsive. Even if the guilty party makes repair attempts after, the move has inflicted irreparable damage, and this will change the relationship dynamic from that moment forth. Hello, trust and security issues. You can also read our popular post on how to save your marriage when you feel hopeless.

How to Fight Fair In Couple Fight

Listen

This might be tougher than it sounds to do and is an incredibly valuable skill set to possess. If you’re able to pause and listen and give your better half the space to air their grievances and allow them to feel heard, you’ve probably won half the battle.

Forgive easily

The most long-lasting marriages are only made possible with the most forgiving of companions. As they say, never go to bed angry. Set a time frame for each other to cool down, especially if it’s a big issue. Then, bounce back quickly and move on.

Leave Issues Behind

We’ve all probably rehashed old issues before. Do know that if you’re bringing an old issue up again, then it’s clearly unresolved.

Ask for a good time to talk about it with your spouse, and address the core of the emotional remnants. Once done, leave it behind. That’s the only way to get through decades and build a life focused on love, rather than resentment. You can find our post on relationship-building activities for couples.

Always show mutual respect

This should always be a given, and a non-negotiable.
Always fight fair, and show mutual love and respect. Remember that that’s the person you chose to stand by you for the rest of your life.

Use “I” Instead of “You”

Be careful of language when in an argument. Blame never ends well, and will always aggravate an already tense situation.

By saying “I”, you’re owning your feelings and merely sharing your point of view, which helps you avoid making accusations that might ignite the next domestic war.

See Fights as Opportunities for Growth

There we have it – The secret of the most successful couples, the ones who are built to win life together. Just as the financial sharks of the world can see market slumps as the best times for investments, the best lovers see fights not as something detrimental, but rather, as opportunities to grow.

Arguments have informed both of boundaries, what each other’s likes and dislikes are etc. As a result, their husband/wife is now more informed and shares a deeper understanding of their partners.

The 1920s in America saw the rise of flappers who reshaped womanhood – Young women with bob short hairstyles, painted lips, and cigarettes in hand were all the rage. These ladies danced to live jazz bands in their short skirts, fully embracing their post-War freedom.

In some ways, the twenties seem rather similar, doesn’t it?

Teens are now embracing their newfound freedom. It’s all about flings, friends, and fun. Perhaps some alcohol in the mix too.

You suddenly find yourself fresh out of school, having to find a job and earn your own now.

More often than not, it is also the period we fumble through relationships, trying to find our footing on how best to approach conflicts in love while being confronted with unresolved childhood traumas and/or attachment styles previously unbeknownst even to ourselves.

We learn so much about ourselves in our 20s.

How can you enjoy a healthy relationship during this time?

Discover Yourself

Before getting into a relationship, ask yourself these questions:

• Who am I?
• Who do I want to become?
• What do I want to achieve?
• What do I want out of a relationship?

The clarity in first knowing yourself well helps tremendously in forging healthy partnerships.

If you’re in a twosome, feel free to speak openly about what you think an ideal relationship is, and the future you wish to build together. It’s a great opportunity to find out too whether the person you’re dating is on the same page as you.

Learn Everything About Your Lover

If you’re in a relationship, apply the same curiosity with yourself to your lover.

• What does he/s she like?
• What does he/ she enjoy doing? Plan activities together.
• Do you respect each other?
• Do you share similar moral values?
• Ask about each other’s childhood and family relationships.
• Ask each other about what you think your love languages are, or better yet, just do a free online test to learn more about one another!
• What kind of person does he/she desire to be?
• Does he/she have ambitions?
• Are your life goals aligned? How so?
• Feel free to even ask your boyfriend/ girlfriend: How can I love you better?

These conversations are crucial.

Say ‘Yes’ to Experiences

This decade is undoubtedly one of the best times. You’re free of debts, responsibilities, and of body aches and pains that tend to set in later in life.

Say ‘yes’ to dates if you’re single, to experiences with friends or as a couple, and to travel the world! You never know what turns up next.

Travel Together

You’re going to learn so much about one another, quirks and all, and whether you can tolerate each other when someone’s grumpy and jet-lagged, etc, just by taking a trip together.

Both of you can start off testing the waters with a short trip, before planning a longer one. Have epic adventures together, and create amazing shared memories!

Make Time for Friendships

It’s easy to get sucked into dating someone, making them the entirety of your world, especially in a first relationship where it’s all puppy love.

Still, make time for your friends. Maintaining some modicum of your time and life does contribute positively to your love life.

Question Beliefs & Societal Norms

You’re at an age where everyone probably has an opinion on what you should do with your life, who you should and should not be dating, and so on.

If you’re in your late 20s, you may notice friends starting to get married past 25, and peer pressure’s present. If you’ve been dating for a while now, people might start piling on the pressure on when you should get married. We also covered important ingredients for a happy marriage.

Truth is, people are always going to try to influence your decisions until you decide for yourself.

This is the best time to examine the beliefs you find yourself subscribing to, and whether they will continue to serve you.

For example, if you grew up being told by adults that you need to get married before 30, if not, you’re deemed left on the shelf, you’d start to internalize that belief. After all, that thought is introduced to us by a source of authority.

Ask yourself though, does that belief make sense to you? Why do you need to rush into marriage if you haven’t met the right person? Is there anything wrong with being single, or is that someone else’s perception that they tried imposing on you? That person might truly have the best of intentions, but draw the line and decide what you want to believe in now.

Have an open conversation with your significant other. Explore what makes sense for both of you. No one else.

If you feel like you haven’t got everything figured out, don’t worry, that’s normal. You’re not alone. Make mistakes. Stumble and fall, then pick yourself up again. Fall in love, and fall out of love.

Experience the wide spectrum of emotions unique to mankind – What a gift it is to be given this life.

If there’s just one thing you need to do, in the words of Opray Winfrey, “Surround yourself with people who are only going to lift you higher.”

We often underestimate the incredible power of a simple compliment in our relationships.

Creating 365 unique words of affirmation for your wife can be a thoughtful and meaningful gesture. Here’s a list of daily affirmations to help you express your love and appreciation throughout the year

1. “You are the love of my life.”
2. “I cherish every moment with you.”
3. “Your smile brightens my day.”
4. “You make my world a better place.”
5. “You are the most beautiful person I know.”
6. “I’m so lucky to have you as my wife.”
7. “Thank you for always supporting me.”
8. “You are an incredible mother to our children.”
9. “Your love is my greatest treasure.”
10. “I’m proud of everything you’ve accomplished.”
11. “Your kindness is an inspiration.”
12. “You make our house a home.”
13. “I love the way you make me feel.”
14. “You are my rock and my refuge.”
15. “Your laughter is music to my ears.”
16. “I appreciate your thoughtfulness.”
17. “You light up my life.”
18. “You are my best friend.”
19. “You make every day special.”
20. “You are my confidante.”
21. “I admire your strength.”
22. “You are my sunshine on cloudy days.”
23. “Your love is a beautiful gift.”
24. “I’m grateful for your love.”
25. “You are my soulmate.”
26. “I love growing old with you.”
27. “You make me a better person.”
28. “You are the anchor in my life.”
29. “I adore everything about you.”
30. “You are the reason for my happiness.”
31. “I’m thankful for your warmth and love.”
32. “You are the love story of my life.”
33. “Your love is my safe haven.”
34. “You complete me.”
35. “I love you more than words can express.”
36. “You are the center of my world.”
37. “Thank you for your unwavering love.”
38. “You are my heart’s desire.”
39. “I can’t imagine my life without you.”
40. “You make my heart skip a beat.”
41. “You are the missing piece of my puzzle.”
42. “I love the way you love me.”
43. “You are the queen of my heart.”
44. “Your love is my greatest joy.”
45. “I’m blessed to have you by my side.”
46. “You are my one and only.”
47. “Your love is a beacon in my life.”
48. “I’m grateful for your love and friendship.”
49. “You are the love of my life’s journey.”
50. “I’m thankful for your unwavering support.”
51. “You are my source of inspiration.”
52. “You make my life complete.”
53. “You are my favorite person.”
54. “I love you with all my heart.”
55. “You are the light in my life.”
56. “Your love is my anchor.”
57. “I adore your inner beauty.”
58. “You make every day a joy.”
59. “You are the epitome of grace.”
60. “I’m so lucky to call you mine.”
61. “Your love is a precious gift.”
62. “You are the heart of our family.”
63. “I cherish every moment with you.”
64. “You are the love of my life’s story.”
65. “I’m thankful for your caring nature.”
66. “You make me a better person.”
67. “You are my heart’s delight.”
68. “Your love is a blessing.”
69. “I’m grateful for your love and warmth.”
70. “You are the love of my lifetime.”
71. “I love you more with each passing day.”
72. “You are my eternal flame.”
73. “You complete me in every way.”
74. “I’m grateful for your unwavering support.”
75. “You are the melody of my life’s song.”
76. “I love you to the moon and back.”
77. “You are my partner in all things.”
78. “You are the love of my heart.”
79. “I’m blessed to have you in my life.”
80. “You make every moment special.”
81. “Your love is my guiding light.”
82. “I’m thankful for your kindness.”
83. “You are the love of my dreams.”
84. “I love your sense of humor.”
85. “You are my greatest adventure.”
86. “Your love is my strength.”
87. “I’m grateful for your love and wisdom.”
88. “You are the love of my lifetime.”
89. “I love the way you care for others.”
90. “You are my everything.”
91. “You are the reason I smile.”
92. “I’m thankful for your patience.”
93. “You are the love of my life’s canvas.”
94. “I love your thoughtfulness.”
95. “You are my heart’s desire.”
96. “Your love is a work of art.”
97. “I’m blessed to have you as my wife.”
98. “You make every day better.”
99. “Your love is my greatest treasure.”
100. “I’m grateful for your love and care.”

1. “You are the star of my life’s movie.”
2. “I love your radiant personality.”
3. “You are the reason I believe in love.”
4. “I’m thankful for your unwavering loyalty.”
5. “You are the love of my past, present, and future.”
6. “I love the way you make our home cozy.”
7. “You are my daily inspiration.”
8. “Your love is my guiding star.”
9. “I’m blessed to call you my wife.”
10. “You make every day feel like a special occasion.”
11. “Your love is a masterpiece.”
12. “I’m grateful for your love and understanding.”
13. “You are the author of my happiest moments.”
14. “I love the way you make our family stronger.”
15. “You are the muse for my heart.”
16. “Your love is my lifeline.”
17. “I’m thankful for your unwavering dedication.”
18. “You are the love of my life’s symphony.”
19. “I cherish your wisdom.”
20. “You are the reason for my success.”
21. “I love how you make every day an adventure.”
22. “You are the melody of my heart.”
23. “Your love is my source of comfort.”
24. “I’m blessed to have you in my life’s story.”
25. “You make each moment memorable.”
26. “Your love is my North Star.”
27. “I’m grateful for your love and patience.”
28. “You are the heartbeat of my life.”
29. “I love your creative spirit.”
30. “You are the reason my heart beats.”
31. “I’m thankful for your unwavering faith.”
32. “You are the love of my life’s artwork.”
33. “I cherish your companionship.”
34. “You are my greatest support.”
35. “Your love is my greatest achievement.”
36. “I’m blessed to share my life with you.”
37. “You make life’s challenges seem manageable.”
38. “Your love is my greatest strength.”
39. “I’m grateful for your love and laughter.”
40. “You are the love of my life’s novel.”
41. “I love your boundless energy.”
42. “You are the reason I smile every day.”
43. “I’m thankful for your unwavering trust.”
44. “You are the love of my life’s poetry.”
45. “I cherish your adventurous spirit.”
46. “You are the key to my heart.”
47. “Your love is my greatest treasure.”
48. “I’m blessed to call you my partner.”
49. “You make our life a grand adventure.”
50. “Your love is my guiding compass.”
51. “I’m grateful for your love and support.”
52. “You are the love of my life’s song.”
53. “I love the way you embrace life’s challenges.”
54. “You are the reason for my peace.”
55. “I’m thankful for your unwavering presence.”
56. “You are the love of my life’s journey.”
57. “I cherish your sense of humor.”
58. “You are the light of my life.”
59. “Your love is my greatest gift.”
60. “I’m blessed to have you as my wife.”
61. “You make our family complete.”
62. “Your love is my sanctuary.”
63. “I’m grateful for your love and encouragement.”
64. “You are the love of my life’s adventure.”
65. “I love your nurturing nature.”
66. “You are the reason for my happiness.”
67. “I’m thankful for your unwavering commitment.”
68. “You are the love of my life’s sunrise.”
69. “I cherish your boundless love.”
70. “You are my greatest blessing.”
71. “Your love is my daily inspiration.”
72. “I’m blessed to have you as my wife.”
73. “You make every day better just by being you.”
74. “Your love is my greatest comfort.”
75. “I’m grateful for your love and friendship.”
76. “You are the love of my life’s sunset.”
77. “I love the way you make life sweeter.”
78. “You are the reason I look forward to tomorrow.”
79. “I’m thankful for your unwavering dedication.”
80. “You are the love of my life’s stars.”
81. “I cherish your endless patience.”
82. “You are my better half.”
83. “Your love is my greatest strength.”
84. “I’m blessed to have you as my partner.”
85. “You make every moment memorable.”
86. “Your love is my guiding light.”
87. “I’m grateful for your love and understanding.”
88. “You are the love of my life’s moon.”
89. “I love your resilience.”
90. “You are the reason I strive to be better.”
91. “I’m thankful for your unwavering kindness.”
92. “You are the love of my life’s constellations.”
93. “I cherish your warmth and love.”
94. “You are my greatest joy.”
95. “Your love is my daily blessing.”
96. “I’m blessed to have you in my life.”
97. “You make every day extraordinary.”
98. “Your love is my guiding star.”
99. “I’m grateful for your love and support.”
100. “You are the love of my life’s oceans.”
101. “I love your passion and enthusiasm.”
102. “You are the reason my life is complete.”
103. “I’m thankful for your unwavering encouragement.”
104. “You are the love of my life’s waves.”
105. “I cherish your thoughtfulness.”
106. “You are my guiding light.”
107. “Your love is my greatest happiness.”
108. “I’m blessed to call you mine.”
109. “You make life feel like an adventure.”
110. “Your love is my compass.”
111. “I’m grateful for your love and patience.”
112. “You are the love of my life’s horizon.”
113. “I love the way you make life beautiful.”
114. “You are the reason for my laughter.”
115. “I’m thankful for your unwavering trust.”
116. “You are the love of my life’s serenity.”
117. “I cherish your tenderness.”
118. “You are my partner in all things.”
119. “Your love is my greatest motivation.”
120. “I’m blessed to share my life with you.”
121. “You make every moment special.”
122. “Your love is my source of strength.”
123. “I’m grateful for your love and wisdom.”
124. “You are the love of my life’s dreams.”
125. “I love your caring nature.”
126. “You are the reason I believe in happily ever after.”
127. “I’m thankful for your unwavering belief in us.”
128. “You are the love of my life’s sunrises.”
129. “I cherish your creativity.”
130. “You are my heart’s delight.”
131. “Your love is a masterpiece.”
132. “I’m blessed to have you in my life’s journey.”
133. “You make each day a new adventure.”
134. “Your love is my guiding force.”
135. “I’m grateful for your love and understanding.”
136. “You are the love of my life’s sunsets.”
137. “I love your boundless generosity.”
138. “You are the reason my heart is full.”
139. “I’m thankful for your unwavering commitment.”
140. “You are the love of my life’s constellations.”
141. “I cherish your endless kindness.”
142. “You are my rock and my refuge.”
143. “Your love is my greatest treasure.”
144. “I’m blessed to have you as my wife.”
145. “You make every day an opportunity to love.”
146. “Your love is my sanctuary.”
147. “I’m grateful for your love and patience.”
148. “You are the love of my life’s stars.”
149. “I love your strength and resilience.”
150. “You are the reason I wake up with a smile.”
151. “I’m thankful for your unwavering grace.”
152. “You are the love of my life’s moon.”
153. “I cherish your laughter.”
154. “You are my greatest source of inspiration.”
155. “Your love is my daily motivation.”
156. “I’m blessed to have you as my partner.”
157. “You make every moment count.”
158. “Your love is my guiding compass.”
159. “I’m grateful for your love and encouragement.”
160. “You are the love of my life’s oceans.”
161. “I love your sense of adventure.”
162. “You are the reason I have a heart full of love.”
163. “I’m thankful for your unwavering support.”
164. “You are the love of my life’s waves.”
165. “I cherish your unwavering dedication.”

1. “You are my heart’s keeper.”
2. “I love the way you light up a room.”
3. “You are the reason I believe in forever.”
4. “I’m thankful for your unwavering love.”
5. “You are the love of my life’s dreams.”
6. “I cherish your gentle touch.”
7. “You are my partner in every adventure.”
8. “Your love is my greatest motivation.”
9. “I’m blessed to have you by my side.”
10. “You make every day a new beginning.”
11. “Your love is my guiding star.”
12. “I’m grateful for your love and understanding.”
13. “You are the love of my life’s sunrise.”
14. “I love your boundless energy.”
15. “You are the reason for my success.”
16. “I’m thankful for your unwavering kindness.”
17. “You are the love of my life’s canvas.”
18. “I cherish your companionship.”
19. “You are my heart’s desire.”
20. “Your love is a work of art.”
21. “I’m blessed to have you as my wife.”
22. “You make every moment memorable.”
23. “Your love is my North Star.”
24. “I’m grateful for your love and support.”
25. “You are the love of my life’s moon.”
26. “I love your resilience.”
27. “You are the reason for my peace.”
28. “I’m thankful for your unwavering presence.”
29. “You are the love of my life’s stars.”
30. “I cherish your endless patience.”
31. “You are my better half.”
32. “Your love is my greatest strength.”
33. “I’m blessed to have you as my partner.”
34. “You make every moment memorable.”
35. “Your love is my guiding light.”
36. “I’m grateful for your love and understanding.”
37. “You are the love of my life’s moon.”
38. “I love your resilience.”
39. “You are the reason for my peace.”
40. “I’m thankful for your unwavering presence.”
41. “You are the love of my life’s stars.”
42. “I cherish your endless patience.”
43. “You are my rock and my refuge.”
44. “Your love is my greatest treasure.”
45. “I’m blessed to have you as my wife.”
46. “You make every day an opportunity to love.”
47. “Your love is my sanctuary.”
48. “I’m grateful for your love and patience.”
49. “You are the love of my life’s stars.”
50. “I love your strength and resilience.”
51. “You are the reason I wake up with a smile.”
52. “I’m thankful for your unwavering grace.”
53. “You are the love of my life’s moon.”
54. “I cherish your laughter.”
55. “You are my greatest source of inspiration.”
56. “Your love is my daily motivation.”
57. “I’m blessed to have you as my partner.”
58. “You make every moment count.”
59. “Your love is my guiding compass.”
60. “I’m grateful for your love and encouragement.”
61. “You are the love of my life’s oceans.”
62. “I love your sense of adventure.”
63. “You are the reason I have a heart full of love.”
64. “I’m thankful for your unwavering support.”
65. “You are the love of my life’s waves.”
66. “I cherish your unwavering dedication.”
67. “You are my heart’s keeper.”
68. “I love the way you light up a room.”
69. “You are the reason I believe in forever.”
70. “I’m thankful for your unwavering love.”
71. “You are the love of my life’s dreams.”
72. “I cherish your gentle touch.”
73. “You are my partner in every adventure.”
74. “Your love is my greatest motivation.”
75. “I’m blessed to have you by my side.”
76. “You make every day a new beginning.”
77. “Your love is my guiding star.”
78. “I’m grateful for your love and understanding.”
79. “You are the love of my life’s sunrise.”
80. “I love your boundless energy.”
81. “You are the reason for my success.”
82. “I’m thankful for your unwavering kindness.”
83. “You are the love of my life’s canvas.”
84. “I cherish your companionship.”
85. “You are my heart’s desire.”
86. “Your love is a work of art.”
87. “I’m blessed to have you as my wife.”
88. “You make every moment memorable.”
89. “Your love is my North Star.”
90. “I’m grateful for your love and support.”
91. “You are the love of my life’s moon.”
92. “I love your resilience.”
93. “You are the reason for my peace.”
94. “I’m thankful for your unwavering presence.”
95. “You are the love of my life’s stars.”
96. “I cherish your endless patience.”
97. “You are my better half.”
98. “Your love is my greatest strength.”
99. “I’m blessed to have you as my partner.”
100. “You make every moment memorable.”

Complimenting your wife can not only brighten her day but also strengthen the bond between you two. It’s a genuine and sincere way to express your love and appreciation. If you’re wondering about the best ways to compliment your wife, click on the link below for some tips on how a husband should compliment his wife. You’ll find actionable advice and examples that can help you make your wife feel cherished and loved. Remember, the little things you say can have a big impact on the happiness and strength of your marriage, so why not start today?

Affirmations and kind words have a remarkable power to brighten someone’s day. In the spirit of spreading positivity and support, here are some wonderful quotes to cheer someone up. These uplifting messages can make a real difference in someone’s life. Whether you’re looking for a way to encourage a friend or simply want to brighten someone’s mood, click on the link and discover a collection of inspirational quotes that you can share to make a positive impact. Sometimes, a few heartfelt words can be all it takes to bring a smile to someone’s face.

Oh, the excitement after meeting a guy you can really connect with on a first date! You instantly call your friend after to say, “I think I’ve met someone special!” You eagerly wait for his text or call. Then, days turn into a week. Disappointment sets in. “I thought we really connected,” you say to your friend.

In another scenario, confused boys blow hot and cold for months, leaving you utterly puzzled about what you guys are, whether he’s serious or not, but when you meet, at least for you, it feels magical. Then days of radio silence ensue until the next text comes in again like nothing ever happened.

Have you encountered situations like that, and you just want to know with absolute certainty whether the man you’re interested in is serious about you?

Here’re 7 signs to watch out for if he is really interested:
1. He is consistent
2. He checks up on you
3. He will ask you out (in advance)
4. He will want to know you
5. He makes future plans with you
6. He’s generous (with you)
7. He introduces you to his world

1. He is consistent

Anyone who is sincere about getting to know you will always be consistent. This means no, he will not blow hot and cold like the unpredictable Australian weather. He will be a person who shows up at – End of the story.

Do not make excuses for someone you like based on a few dates and conversations; The second you accept less than stellar behavior, the message you’re giving the other party is: I’m okay that you’re treating me less. So, of course, he will continue doing so.

If you’re in it to find a serious partnership, why bother dealing with people who treat you less than what you deserve?

Flip-flopping should be reserved exclusively for pancakes on a Sunday morning. If anyone shows you that they’re unreliable, show them the door.

2. He checks up on you

It’s a wonderfully warm feeling to see a text pop up on your phone, “Thinking of you. How’s your day?”

A man who is interested in you will want to know what you’re up to, what problems you’re facing at work etc. He will always check-in. If he doesn’t, check it out.

3. He will ask you out (in advance)

Yes, some people are spontaneous. Yet, there’s a rather fine line between embracing spontaneity and ensuring you’re his priority.

Simply put, if he’s interested in you and respects your time, he will book your time in advance.

This behavior should again be consistent, or at least the majority of the time. Spontaneity sometimes can be fun! For example, someone who often makes plans ahead texts you one morning and says, “I woke up missing you and would love to see you tonight if you’re free. If not, that’s cool too.” By all means, go out and enjoy yourself!

4. He will want to know you

A man interested in you will want to know everything about you. He wouldn’t be silent on a date; he’d be the person asking you questions to understand you as a person, your childhood, whether you love your job, etc.

Watch for warning signs though for someone who seems only interested in rattling on about themselves endlessly (narcissist alert!). A friend of mine came to me gushing about this guy she was talking to until 3 am in the morning, and I asked, “What did you guys mostly talk about?” Her answer was, “Hmm. Come to think of it, everything’s about him.” She proceeded to waste another 2 months before realizing what I’ve pointed out from Day 1.

If you’re unsure about a potential partner, run it by a trusted friend. You’d usually get your answer.

5. He makes future plans with you

Does the man you’re dating make future plans with you? For example, ‘hey should we see a movie next week?’ Or ‘hey I have a wedding coming up, would you like to be my plus one?’

Be observant. If he’s skittish making plans with you whenever you mention something coming up, that’s not a good sign.

6. He’s generous (with you)

Generosity is a very positive sign in a relationship. Is he generous with both his time and money, or is he constantly insisting for you pay your half of dinner right down to the cent? Does he take care of you the way you want to be cared for?

Evaluate these qualities, for they are important in ensuring that a partnership can go the long run.

7. He introduces you to his world

If you’re important to him, you’d feel seen. He’d want you to meet his friends, and people who are close to him because he’d want to know you can all get along. In short, you won’t remain invisible.

Meeting someone’s family and friends is always a pretty promising sign.
If you’re reading this article, my guess is you want some answers. Use the above as a benchmark, and allow your gut to also weigh in. Do not be swayed by how much you fancy a person – Infatuation will inevitably fade over time when it’s not sustained, and sustaining attraction takes work from both parties.

Imagine yourself as a builder. Every day, you’re at the construction site placing one brick on top of the other. Ask yourself, is that person there doing the work with you?

If he’s not, say goodbye to freeloaders. Free that space for someone better, someone who’d more than willingly (and very effortlessly) meet you where you are in life. That’s when the real magic happens.

You can also read about our posts on relationship building activities for couples.

Gottman’s Four Horsemen, namely Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling, are arguably the most accurate predictors of divorce. Dr. Julie Gottman was able to predict with over 90 percent accuracy whether or not the couples he studied would get divorced within six years.

How do you avoid four horsemen? The key to avoiding the four horsemen is to be aware of your blind spot and adjust your language accordingly during daily interaction. After all, the person you’re within a partnership with is essentially someone whose interests you’ve agreed to take on like yours, and whose feelings you should always consider without hurting the person.

Even a relationship expert shared about wearing a ridiculous-looking costume every time she gets annoyed to lighten the mood first, before discussing seriously.

Besides that, let’s explore ways we can circumvent the four horsemen with constructive behaviors during daily interactions:

Check the Timing Is Suitable

Before starting a chat, check-in with your partner. It’s likely the person may get concerned, and allow you to open the chat. 

“Is this a good time to raise something that has been bothering me?”

Ditch the Text To Prevent Misunderstanding

Anyone who has been in a relationship can probably attest to this – Texts give the perfect platform for the worst misunderstanding to occur, making it a destructive form of communication. If you can help it, leave the chats to a face-to-face (unless of course, you’re in a long-distance relationship, of which do a video call!). 

If the argument has already occurred over text, be the first to break the chain and say,

“Can I call you? It’s easier to talk, and I don’t wish for further misunderstandings to occur. Let’s clear the air, and win together.”

Mind Your Non-Verbal Cues

Non-verbal cues are just as important, if not more, than verbal cues – Your tone, and body language, are all clues your partner will probably pick up and register before hearing what you’ve to say. 

As much as possible, start with a gentle tone. Face your partner to convey openness and respect, which will allow your partner to reciprocate in kind.

Avoid Blaming Or Attacking Words

Words are powerful, and some, in particular, might ignite the fire more than it diminishes in a tense situation. Avoid saying “you”, “always”, and “never”, words that would potentially make your partner feel like he/she has been blamed or defeated.

Treat your partner with disrespect or extreme criticism and they will counter-attack with negative reactions and become defensive.

Share Your Feelings & Give the Benefit of Doubt

Sharing how you feel is a great way to connect two people, and also allow your partner to understand your point of view.

For example, “When we go out and bump into people on the streets and you do not introduce me, it makes me feel unimportant. I know you probably don’t mean to though.”

Note how the focus is on the action versus the person, thus making it less personal. It is in no way a character flaw of the person because if it comes across that way, it’s likely the other party may get defensive quickly.

Also, giving the benefit of the doubt goes a long way in successful relationships. You’re demonstrating that you always do assume and think the best of that person, and don’t we all just want someone to be our greatest supporter?

Table A Solution

If there’s a simple solution to the situation, table it in the same breath. 

Riding on the same example earlier where one party was not introduced to the other’s friends, a solution can be as simple as, “Could you introduce me the next time that happens? That will be nice.”

The Dark Side & How to De-escalate 

Let’s explore the possible scenario where things escalated quickly in a particular argument, and you’ve noticed your partner and/or yourself already falling into the trap of demonstrating any of the Four Horsemen. Now, what do you do?

Throw Out a Repair Attempt 

This is one of my favorites because it’s an incredibly quick and effective circuit breaker (IF your partner recognizes it as such a well). 

The idea is basically to break the mounting tension at that moment.

What can Repair Attempts look like?

If your partner shares the same sense of humor, this one’s great. At that moment, even if the joke is lame, it might cause both of you to laugh and allow a reset. 

If you and/or your partner value physical touch, this is perfect, though approach with caution, as some people might pull away and react negatively at the moment when unprepared, and that might in turn cause more hurt to you. Before you approach, perhaps ask, “This has been stressful. Can we hug it out, just for a bit?” 

This sounds literally like what the word suggests – It’s very silly, possibly childish, but could be as effective. All of us have an inner child within. Appeal to their inner child. Make silly faces to make them laugh, and the second they do, tension will break.

• Put On a Ridiculous-looking Costume (Advised By A Therapist)

Someone once told me this story of how this woman had anger management issues, and her husband brought her to see a therapist as it was putting a strain on their marriage and kids.

The therapist suggested she wear a ridiculous-looking costume every time she gets annoyed. As unorthodox as that sounded, she agreed to give it a try. The next time this happened, she angrily put on the costume and stormed out of the room to continue yelling. What ensued though, was that after the family saw that, everyone burst out laughing, and eventually, so did she. This completely lightened the mood after, and she was able to then communicate her point gently, to a more receptive audience.

Now, of course, the above helps if you and/or your partner remain in contact. If your partner has progressed to stonewalling, give it some time before reaching out. At that moment, pull the focus back to you, and take care of yourself. 

At any point, if things get too heavy mentally, confide in a confidante, or consider speaking with a professional. Everyone can benefit from a little therapy! 

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Responding wrongly to a divorce threat can easily end a great relationship moving forward. The best 3-step response to a divorce threat is 1) to understand your emotions in the threat, 2) choose your response (either flaring, inaction, pump up), solve the problem together.

The emotions you faced are unprecedented and unexpected in a threat, especially for the 1st time. You cannot control your emotions.

It could be anger from not being understood. unhappiness from being blamed unfairly. It could be something important to you but your spouse think otherwise.

Don’t bother to think positively, it is not possible from my standpoint. Instead, understand the emotions because it will be useful to manage the right actions for the respective feelings. It can be as simple as conveying it to others.

Response 2 – Choose Your Behaviors

You can control your behaviors. Separate your emotions from your actions and things will end up better. Don’t do something you will regret.Typically, this is what will happen. Your spouse hurt you, you hurt your spouse back. You and your spouse cool down and things get better or worse based on how much both loved each other.

Option 1: Flaring up and Threatening Back

No one will advise flaring up but it really depends on the spouse and the exact situation you have. Flaring up could be useful if you have been the taker in a give-and-take relationship. Your spouse needs to know you are angry too and hurt.You can flare back at your spouse but do not say words you might regret. Your spouse might end up reacting back and ending the relationship over trivia matters too. That is the reason why no one will advise flaring up as it can end up be the most regretful decision in your life.

Option 2: Inaction And Focusing on Problem

Another possible response is to prevent your internal state of mind from going haywire. Taking a page from some religions, you practice self-love first above all. Remember that an inaction is a form of action. This method is the typical behavior for people who have a stronger spouse or don’t like arguments. This might be good in the short term but end up hurting in the long term. Stonewalling is also identified as one of the ways to harm the relationship.

Option 3: Pump Up

The Pump Up method is presented by Dr. Susan Heitler, Ph.D. and previous senior psychologist at TherapyHelp. Dr. Heitler’s psychologytoday.com blogposts received over 20 million reads. Her book “Power of Two” got 4.4 out of 5 stars on Amazon.She once advised in a TEDx show to ask an angry wife to close her eyes and imagine a video screen showing what will make the wife mad. Instead of thinking of the husband, it was work-related. She would confirm that the “bump” in life for the wife was work-related or depressogenic.Her advice is to take deep breathes and imagine yourself growing bigger and stronger than the problem. Taking breathes and getting bigger or pump up is a necessary step to her advice.

Response 3 – Problem Solving

The last response would be coming with solutions to tackle the problem in the future. This step might never ever happened if you and your spouse did not move on from the issue that caused the divorce threat.This is only after response 2 because you should be over who’s right or wrong. You should be feeling ready to solve the problem together.

This is actually the easiest response and step when both of you are ready. Just come up with all the options, agree on the action together and work on it. Things will never be perfect but the power of two working on a problem is wonderful.

Conclusion
I hope the above 3-step responses on divorce threat will help you in getting your relationship sorted better. Even if you failed at step 2, you can still work together, in the long run, to solve the problems eventually. That is what a couple should work together instead of break things of each other.

Efforts have been made to get the information as accurate and updated as possible. If you found any incorrect information with credible source, please send it via the contact us form
Sky Hoon
He is happily married and have 1 child. He went through the pre marriage counseling and found it useful and wished to share to others in their marriages ← Did Amber Heard Date Elon Musk Why Date Gold Diggers →

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Your girlfriend is giving, empathetic, and thoughtful. A ‘nice’ girl.

A former people pleaser once reflected on her life and shared that she was often left feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and absolutely miserable after realizing the pattern in all her relationships: An imbalance of her constantly giving, and being surrounded by people who are way too happy to benefit from her generosity.

Until one day, you realize that also comes with a whole host of other little things – Her difficulty saying ‘no’ to anyone and everyone, even to the extent of feeling guilt if she ever does. She’s constantly apologizing or overly preoccupied with what others think.

Here’re other possible signs of people-pleasing behavior:

• She stresses earning the approval of others.
• She takes the blame when something isn’t her fault.
• She neglects her own needs to fulfill the needs of others.
• She agrees with others even if she disagrees internally.
• She struggles with low self-esteem.
• She doesn’t have much time because she’s busy doing things for others.

While one of these signs alone might not point towards the person being a people pleaser, a combination of a few (or all) would most definitely suggest that.

Relationship Dynamic With A People-Pleaser Girlfriend

Yet, for two people to build the strongest partnership, both need to be able to stand on their own prior to coming together. This means they’d need to already know themselves well and can show up for each other fully.

This cannot be attained in a relationship with a people-pleaser girlfriend – They’re after all people who aren’t sure of who they are, much less stand up for themselves.

Narcissists prey on such people – They’re takers so they need givers. The more extreme the lengths the other party is willing to go to fulfill their needs, the more they feed off that energy. That imbalanced relationship works to their benefit until the girl stands up for herself someday.

For the rest of us though who aren’t narcissists, people-pleasing behaviors in a partner can be detrimental to relationships.

Needless to say, the lack of reciprocity will eventually cause people-pleasers to feel resentful.

Unfortunately, everyone can only take so much before they speak up, or in most cases, because it has been bottled up for so long, you will probably be on the receiving end of random outbursts.

What to do if you’re dating a people-pleaser girlfriend

If you’re reading this article, it’s likely you yearn to create a more equal and satisfying relationship.

An open discussion is always a good step. Do tread carefully though because this conversation isn’t an easy one, and it’s best to put it across in a way your lover doesn’t feel attacked.

For example, if you’ve noticed that your paramour has been lashing out at you for reasons that aren’t related to you both, and that frustrates you, ask if it’s a good time to chat and say, “I love you, and I would like to raise something that bothered me if that’s okay?” Get her green light before proceeding.

Then, perhaps say something along the lines of, “I noticed that there were times I was on the receiving end of outbursts, and I understood that you had a bad day that day. Maybe instead of lashing out the next time, I just want to let you know that I’m always here if you need a listening ear or if you need to rant about your day.”

If your girl seems receptive during the conversation, you can always dig a little deeper to find out where this people-pleasing behavior developed. It would almost always stem from childhood, so you can ask about her time growing up and how the family dynamic was.

Be aware that there may be trauma there – Show empathy and compassion for what she has been through.

Let her know gently that people-pleasing doesn’t make us nice. A people pleaser is essentially a person who lacks boundaries, a person who doesn’t prioritize herself, and a person who doesn’t show self-respect.

If she’s able to recognize the issue at hand and expresses the desire for change, support her. It might mean double or triple checking on even simple things at first like where to go for dinner and making sure her needs and wants are met. Your constant encouragement will go a long way.

This is a journey most of us have been through – We’ve all at one point made ourselves smaller than who we are just to fit in.

It’s time to reclaim our power. Let us help one another show up as our most authentic selves, in order to create the most genuine connections, and immerse ourselves in the highest form of love.

We are all connected. We are all part of a greater whole. And we have the ability to connect with each other on an entirely new level. You can also read our post on how to stop bringing up the past and how to tell a person’s true color.

43% percent of couples married than 25 years started in debt.

I will provide the easiest template without using complicated Excel, based on the many case studies that I read recently to decipher how couples can pay off debt.

Below is my non-Excel couple budget template to pay off your debt: 

1. Start With Why Both of You Want to Pay Off Your Debt
2. Understand How You Ended Up In Debt
3. Agree Together On What Spending Can Be Reduced To Improve Cash
4. Communicate Regularly To Adapt Your Timeline To Pay Off Your Debt 

Surprised how simple my 4 bullet points method is and without any messy Excel or complicated formulas?

I will go through more about my bullet points budget template for you to understand and try out if you are interested.

Why No Excel Couple Budget Template To Pay Off Debt

I saw too many people try and fail in Excel or silver bullet “tools” because the effort to track is greater than. Can you imagine tracking every money you or your partner spend? Talk about the quick drink you had to lunch meal. The tracking will definitely cause indigestion and a blame game in the long run.

Starting With My Non-Excel Couple Budget Template

0. Getting Together On The Non-Excel Couple Budget Template

This is the hardest step. 

Many couples failed to start because one side believed it is not a problem or can be solved eventually “magically”.  Sadly, debts do not disappear over time.

If you failed this, you must keep trying if you wish to stop the debt problem.

I suggest you share the 6 case studies one-by-one every week with your loved one.

Initiate a conversation about it. It is always easier to see others’ problems than your own.

Try to relate it to your couple’s debt problem and concern at the end of it.

When you both agree to find a time and agree to discuss together on the debt problem. You can then take a piece of paper or email and jot down the 4 points listed. 

1. Start With Why Both of You Want to Pay Off Your Debt

Congratulations, if you managed to get to this step as a couple!

Once completing this, you are 25% away from paying off your debt!

The first step is simple, just list down “Why”s you both loved to pay off your debt. 

Don’t set a monetary or numeric goal. Set an outcome that you can visualize.

It could be saving for your holidays in Europe (Research said that planning for holidays is a happy experience).

It could be a worldwide cruise.

Whatever it is, put them down in the Whys of your debt and you will get 25% off.

Don’t worry, you can change this in the future after you pay off your debt. 

2. Understand How You Ended Up In Debt

This is another simple step.

Just put down what debts (source and amount) you are having and you are 50% there.

We could be in debt for many reasons.

• Credit Cards High-Interest debts from overspending
• Unexpected Healthcare debts due to illness
• Expensive Education debts from children fees
• Mortgage debts due to high interests

This is important because you want to know what are your debts or the “common enemies” for you and your loved one.

These debts are stopping you from achieving your goal in Step 1.

3. Agree Together On What Spending Can Be Reduced To Improve Cash

Having done Step 1 and Step 2, you are already 50% from being debt-free.

This step is a hard one so you need to meet frequently on this.

You both have to agree to reduce your spending.

Again, I suggest comparing with others (it can be your neighbors, your best friends) and look for what they don’t have that you have. Just focused on what they don’t have and asked them how they survived without it!

• Do others use normal TV or radio unlike your Netflix or Spotify and survive just as well?
• Do others use an old cranky car unlike your new car and still managed to go to work?
• Do others use a normal bag unlike your luxury bag when they go to work?

This is a hard step and might get emotional too. Your bag might be just one of your only leisure spending. Netflix or Spotify might be the only entertainment in your life.

Whatever it is, I understand.

Just remember to look at others who don’t have what you have and asked them how they coped. You might learn about some secret and cheaper tricks to cope too.

Don’t be ambition, I suggest having frequent weekly meetings to agree on just 2 items (one from each couple) to cut at a time.

There will not be fairness or equality in this step, just remember the

• The ultimate “Why” goal in Step 1 as a couple; and the
• Common enemies in Step 2 that you both want to destroy.

4. Communicate Regularly To Adapt Your Timeline To Pay Off Your Debt 

A regular meeting, at least once a month, is required as this is a long battle to pay off debts.

• Update the debts in Step 2
• Work on reducing spending in Step 3

Updating the Debts

If you see the case studies, it easily takes 2 years to pay off a small debt to over 4 years to pay off larger debts.

You need to update the debt numbers in Step 2 regularly too and get an awareness of how big the debts are growing.

Work on Reducing Spending

According to Forbes, more than 78% of workers are living paycheck-to-paycheck without having a plan for their money.

You are not alone.

But you can stop being the 78% who live paycheck-to-paycheck.

Work on Step 3 till you both got some money to spare to “kill” off some debts/enemies.

Spare money does not involve borrowing from credit cards.

It could be from selling your unwanted items besides your paycheck too.

Only when you got spare money from spending within your means, you can talk about this step.

Using Spare Money to Pay Off Debt

There are 2 different methods (snowball and avalanche method) to pay off debts.

• Personally, I will do the avalanche method as it speeds up the timeline by paying the highest interest first (usually credit card debt).
• But psychologically, I think the snowball method works if you got too many debts.

Snowball Method

1. List your debts smallest to largest remaining balances and ignore interest rates.
2. Make the minimum payment on all debts except the smallest one. Attack the smallest one with everything you have.
3. After you pay off the smallest debt, take the money you were paying on that debt and roll it into the next lowest remaining balance debt. Boom it’s a debt snowball!
4. Repeat this method until you cross off the very last debt.

Avalanche Method

1. List your debts from the highest interest rate to lowest ignoring the remaining balance. 
2. Make the minimum payment on all debts except the one with the highest interest rate. Attack the highest interest rate debt with everything you have. 
3. After you pay off your highest-interest debt, take the money you were paying on that debt and roll it into the next highest interest debt on the list. 
4. Repeat this method until you cross off the very last debt

Don’t worry about maths or Excel formulas on the timeline. Just do a simple estimation of when you both will clear your debts using your spare cash.