Ever returned home from a first date all excited, thinking you’ve met someone fascinating, only for the person to ghost you after, leaving you wondering what went wrong?
Chances are, you might have inadvertently sent the wrong signal!
Here’s a list of things you might want to take note to avoid for future dates:
#1 Tardy On a First Date
When dates do not show up on time than the agreed time, it does kick the date off to a bad start! The action alone shows disrespect for time and a lack of sincerity in the meeting.
It’s probably common and acceptable to be running late for 5 to 10 minutes for good reasons. Any more than that, and it might not send the right first message.
#2 Sloppy Image and First Impression
Dating can be a great experience, but it can also be frustrating if your date has a sloppy appearance. A sloppy appearance can turn people off during the dating process, leading to less interest and eventual rejection.
There is much truth to the 5-second rule – All it takes is 5 seconds for someone to form a first impression of you.
Decide what you want that impression to be.
There have been two arguments put forth –
- I’m going to be dressed presentably because this is the first impression, and I want to start on the right foot, or
- let me show off my worst side and see if they accept me for me because whoever I end up dating will eventually see me in comfortable clothes anyway.
Both strategies have possibly worked with dates, though perhaps striking a balance between comfort and dressing presentably can co-exist. Making an effort to clean up is something dates will appreciate and are going to interpret as a promising signal.
#3 Bad Ex Talk
This is a very delicate topic and one that will very likely come up in initial chats because people would want to know what happened in the last relationship – When, how, and why it ended?
Potential red flags that can turn you off include dissing the ex, showing much anger when the topic is brought up, getting defensive when asked, feeling a great deal of sadness, and/or even going into too much detail on what went down.
All the other party needs to know are quick facts, preferably told to them in a neutral or even bored tone. That shows people you’re truly over the person, and that your history is exactly where it should be – In the past.
You’ll even be earning brownie points here because you’re also demonstrating that even though it’s not a topic that concerns your present, you’re happy to be transparent and open with them.
It’s a fine line to tow indeed.
Show too much emotion, and it’s going to be glaringly obvious to anyone that you’re not over the ex(es).
No one wants to be your backup. Confident, attractive people are well-aware of their worth, and will not hesitate to drop a date who remains hung up on their ex. They’ll simply move on to find someone who has emotional space for a new relationship.
#4 Talking Too Much About Yourself
We’ve all probably met such people – The ones who can’t stop talking about themselves (hello, egomaniacs). This is a huge turn-off.
If you ever slipped into this space, whether because of nerves or not, pause. Show interest in the other person and listen. Have a two-way conversation; no one signed up to be a paid therapist on a first date.
#5 Airing Dirty Laundry
Some people are open and honest, and then some are overly open and honest.
First dates are meant to be fun and allow two people to get to know each other. Innocent flirtations, a slight touch of the hand, butterflies in the stomach, all of that buzz.
This isn’t the time to be airing the dirty laundry of your family members, or whoever you wish to gossip about. That can come much later.
#6 Expressing Resentment/ Hatred
As with recounting any life stories, do your best to leave negative emotions at the door. It might be too heavy for a first date; cursing and swearing aren’t going to give your dates (especially the ones you wish to see again) the best impression of you.
Bear in mind, that your dates do not know you well enough yet to give you the benefit of doubt. Let them get to slowly know you first for the lovely person you are.
#7 Rude to Service Staff
Seeing how your date mistreats a service staff is a no-no.
If you’re the offending party, do rethink this attitude, not just to score a first date, but to realize that everyone’s equal, and here to earn a living. Everyone deserves basic respect.
If you’re the party who has witnessed this before, run. It has bad vibes written all over because someday, you might be on the receiving end of that disrespect. It’s never a good sign.
#8 Overly Affectionate
We’ve all been there where we’re barely getting to get to know the person and the date’s already super touchy, invading our personal space, and causing way too much discomfort.
You do not want to be the person who makes dates squirm.
Give it time, and likely if it’s the first date, just allow the conversation to flow.
If you’ve made any of these mistakes, don’t sweat it too much. We all learn from experience.
Ultimately, dating in the early phases is meant to be exciting. Be yourself as much as possible, and put your best foot forward. Immerse yourself in the joys and thrills of this stage, for there is no time other than the present to celebrate life!